Mixed Martial Arts- Black Belt Club
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Learning to Forgive
I have to let this all go. This is what I have learned when I was in MMA today. I tried to train today, but the sorrow of what John did a year ago made me break. I had to run up to the dressing room and curl up there and cry... "oh, why John? I am so sorry for being incomplete. I am sorry for failing in your expectations of me. Oh Lord, why do people hate me? Why do people look at me and look over me? Can they not see that I want to love them? Can they not see the pain that they inflict on me when they choose not to understand me and they choose to abandon me? All I ever wanted was a place I can call home. A place where I know I truly belong."
I asked one of the people that train there if I could borrow my Trainer's Bible real quick. I needed to remind myself of the truth. I looked up Isaiah 54 where it says: Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. 5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
Isaiah 54:4-5 (KJV) My hand rested on those words as I knelt there on the ground. Father, you never abandoned me. People might but You never have. Help me to remember this truth. Even if the world says that I am inadequate, the Lord....the Creator of the earth and this universe and everything in between says, " I want you."
It also says: O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires. 12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones. 13 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children. 14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee. 15 Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.
Isaiah 54:11-15 (KJV)
I will always have children, I will always have my Saviour as my husband. He has called me as a woman forsaken by the world and yet I have value in His eyes. Nothing is more important in this existence than His will. If I focus on His service, if I focus doing His will and dwelling on the thoughts of Him, it will remind me that there is hope...that there is a time when all evil will end and I will have a large family in heaven and they accept me for who I am, just as Christ has. Someday I will not have to struggle with this...and I will finally be in the presence of the One that has never abandoned me and understands me completely. May all the glory go to Him! I look forward to looking into His eyes and say "I love you." until then, His Spirit shall always be with me and that is more than sufficient.
One person in MMA, one of my instructors, reminded me of one truth: Unforgiveness is a poison I do not want to take for it only affects me....and in the end, it will destroy me. My life is called for a lifetime of forgiveness. I shall leave the judging to my Lord. But I also pray and hope that He will forgive the people who tried to destroy me.
In the end, I was able to do two classes in a row in MMA. I do feel better. I must remember to commit to my training. I not only learn the physical things of self-defense but I also am learning how to heal my soul.
God bless you all!
Friday, December 24, 2010
New Year Resolutions
December 23, 2010
I have gained a considerable amount of weight since the the fallback of the accident. I would have to say I have gained about 5 to 8 lbs I have rescheduled my workouts so I can get back into this again. This is going to require discipline and consistency on my part if I want to succeed. I have made it a goal of mine to see if I can make it up to at least brown belt by the end of next year. I want to be able to have solid muscle again and have the energy I need to face the trials ahead. I have now reached to 1st degree blue belt which means that not only will I train but I will also learn how to teach. I am so excited about inspiring others in their own goals.
Losing my weight is going to be hard as I found out when I was running my 5 miles at the track. However, that does not mean I am afraid of a good challenge. Am I not doing this so I can become the fighter I have always dreamed of? To surpass impossible odds and live life as one great adventure? I say bring it on!!! J
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Slowly but surely
LeighStrout